Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
