you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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