things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
