I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
