I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
