Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I will be naked everywhere
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
