I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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