yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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