what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
please come you make the beer taste better
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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