I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
