I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
