yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
