I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
