Hey man sorry I got all grabby
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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