I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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