Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
In America we eat man semen.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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