Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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