Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
