She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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