Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
