I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He better not be in your backpack
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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