He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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