i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
