He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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