Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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