Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
