I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
