turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she peed on how many people?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
