So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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