Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
