I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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