my phone needs a breathalizer
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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