you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
