i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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