it was like eating out sand paper
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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