dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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