I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
