He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
