You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
