My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
