She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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