you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize