Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
