what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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