Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
