mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
