just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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