Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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