So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
