I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
