hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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