Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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