so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
