I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
