walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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