So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize