it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize