Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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