Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize