Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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