His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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