I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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