i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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