Where did you get a picture of my penis
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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