You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
