Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
