In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
