Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
